Hello Detroit


I’m in Michigan again, for a little while. Its weird. I have missed it. I miss the places so familiar. The roads I know, people. The flat midwestern accents. I may stay a little extra time…I think what I’m really trying to say is…I hate this fucking bus…my ass hurts…I don’t want to do this again next week!

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Free bird


On the road, I have peed going 60 on the freeway, eaten a 2 dollar microwave hot dog, and seen and heard some very strange conversations.
I have also seen so many birds. Eagles, hawks, falcons, and what I seriously believe might be a pterodactyl. Lifted on air currents, beautiful and graceful.powerful. I think what I’m really trying to say is…I hate this fucking bus…my ass hurts from sitting! I miss my big ass today, because the abbreviated booty doesn’t like sitting  .I don’t understand people afraid to fly.

Free bird


On the road, I have peed going 60 on the freeway, eaten a 2 dollar microwave hot dog, and seen and heard some very strange conversations.
I have also seen so many birds. Eagles, hawks, falcons, and what I seriously believe might be a pterodactyl. Lifted on air currents, beautiful and graceful.powerful. I think what I’m really trying to say is…I hate this fucking bus…my ass hurts from sitting! I miss my big ass today, because the abbreviated booty doesn’t like sitting  .I don’t understand people afraid to fly.

On the road again….


I’m  heading off to my home state to take care of business and have a little r and  r.
I’m taking a bus. 31 hours of slow torture.

The colors of my life…


Sitting

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At the
Discovery green…crazy stuff padding stiff

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Where everybody knows your name


I need a local bar. TV shows always have interesting young people congregating at bars. Except friends, friends had central perk. The young people always seemed so interesting. Or maybe they were just drunk.

If we fall down…we get back up


Ok… That was a long nap. Joking, but I’m sorry for my absence it was unavoidable.

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The turn of ones life, come shall at once sometimes and mine have been doing just that. I unhinged some emotional baggage in my life and dropped nearly 50 lbs in three months without really doing anything. There is a part of me that has to accept that my sadness and emotional pain simply blocked me up. And as unbelievable as that is, the proof is in the pudding, which I do still eat, by the way.
I do not really snack on most days but there have been times when I tried to lose weight, tried everything. The last time I lost to this degree was in 2002 and I had stopped eating and was working out 4 to 6 hours a day.
It was not healthy.
I guess todays lesson for me is sometimes you have to exorcise your demons before you exercise your body.

Send in the Clowns


This song means a lot to me as I grow up and grow older . So many things  in my life , not just men but jobs, friends, thoughts, actions  , feel like they fall in this category . This why didn’t I realize at the time what I had .  Only to realize that the recapture of that thing , place , person or action is outside of your ability. You can not get the one that got away.

There are a lot of these for me , some because I truly didn’t see the merit on them and for those I can only sigh and move on but the ones that hurt are the ones that I missed out on because I was too  chickenshit it make a move . I am never proud of myself when I  miss out on something because  I decided to be a chickenshit . I would rather fail miserably  in trying than be in fear. I would like to try and fail beautifully.

In the spirit of that I have decided to sing today. You are free to listen or not to listen ( like you didn’t know that , right?) but understand that I am singing accapella and I did not do another take . I am a little pitchy at times I think but I am also woman enough today to sing one of my favorite songs to you and free of change .

http://youtu.be/TU8d7SBwswI

This year has not been easy and it is only May , but then again this year has not been easy and it is already May . I am not going to wallow in the many yesterdays, the could have beens , the should have beens. I am going to sing. and I am going to dance . I am going to move forward and laugh . Topple , roll , squeak my red nose and freak some people out . In short I am going to embrace the fact that I may be a clown. But after I go forward I will never let fear make me a clown again .

Where do I go?


The days are getting longer. I need to decide what the next thing in my life is going to be. I often worry that I am a passive participant in my own life. I an a supporting character in my own story.
So I have to decide what I should do, should I pull the pin and take the opportunity to try my hand at being a fulltime freelance writer (that’s an odd goddamn sentence), or go back to the day job thing? Or something in the middle?
I’m not sure at this point but every day that I write brings me a day closer to knowing. A day closer to undertaking my magnum opus. Or maybe I’m just having an early midlife crisis….

My beautiful dark twisted fantasy


Sometimes I worry about me. Like today. I saw this sign and could not stop laughing.

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It is a serious sign, warning people about the dangers inherent in walking in this gate but, I don’t know…the way it is rendered is just the funniest fucking thing to me. Please understand. If your grandfather was crushed to death in a fence I’m not laughing at him, please don’t think I am but the comic value of this picture, this sign is classic to me.
That’s all today. Just me. Finding absurdity in my walk about. I’m not sure if that’s really dark or I’m just a dork…either way…it made me laugh.

Clumsy


There are times when you find your self flat on the ground, having smashed your face into the pavement and all you can do it get  up, dust yourself off , pray you didn’t irrevocably damage yourself ,  ignore the laughter of strangers and just keep going with your day . This is not a metaphor, I literally fell on my ass today ,  or more accurately my face. I scrapped my face on the pavement .  I am feeling very poised and graceful today , I can tell you . 

The funny thing is , well first of all I do this at least once a year so this isn’t new , it really does redefine your day when you bust your ass. I mean no matter how cute you think you are a good fall with reboot the hell out of you . Yes you are still cute but you can also suddenly and without warning look like a complete idiot . And that’s okay . We all look ridiculous sometimes . You do not die ( hopefully) , and you will not be permantly damaged by most of them, you may be a little banged up ( I scrapped my chin…my lord I am sexy today!) but at the end of it you can probably laugh at it. 

I am reminded that one of my girl crushes , Jennifer Lawrence ( if you don’t know her , shame on you because she is awesome!) ,  had the wonderful  honor of winning an Oscar and on her way up the stairs she fell. She sat for a second and then recommenced and started back up the stairs to thunderous applause and a standing ovation  from her fellow actors and those lucky enough to get a ticket. Her response  was ” “You guys are just standing up because you feel bad that I fell.”  Now , she can be that cool after flubbing a once in a lifetime moment, the I can not even being to be all butt-hurt over my falling in front of a bunch of strangers , and neither should you , if you ever do so. 

 

You must meet me my wife …


Continue reading

Something Stupid


Powerball States as of January 31, 2010

Powerball States as of January 31, 2010 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

There is, in all of us, a fool. Someone that is gullible and guileless. Someone that is naive and foolish. Usually about all the things that we want the most, Love, money, fame, passion … food. This fool lives in us all and our job is to figure out what triggers this part of us and to try, try our hardest, to keep that fool on a leash.

 

My fool is about people. I want to be a part of the world with people but I have no capacity to read and understand the ugly parts of people .Now I do have a sense of preservation and fear of pain, so I am not talking about I do things like go home with strangers or pick up hitchhikers but I do tend to want to believe the best in everyone. I am guilty of reckless trust. I have lent money to people I barely know , I right now have a library book that I lent to a virtual stranger , and there have been numerous times that I have met strangers for coffee, lunch and movies that I met online . I’m not fearless, as one of my friends believes; I am simply working with reckless trust.

 

Now, this is the interesting part, I have rarely been burned by this trust. I have had two people not pay me back but the amounts were minimal and while they believed they were getting over I, paraphrase of Sonny from a Bronx Tale, spent 10.00 to never have to talk to them again.  This was a bargain in my humble opinion. I have never had someone not return something they borrowed. I have never been abducted or attacked on my lunches.  I have had one guy think he was going to get his Mack on after a lunch but I shut that down pretty quickly. The dude used a groupon for the lunch too… I mean I think that made sense if you knew it was a platonic thing but if you thought you were getting laid why wouldn’t you try to be impressive? Ok… enough of that.  All and all I think that my particular fool is pretty helpful. I believe that being slightly overzealous about something in life is probably a good thing. I mean be safe; my sweet fools fall in love with that guy at your office but don’t stalk him. Eat that piece of cake, its 700 calories but if you do it once a month your body should be able to bounce back … walk to the bakery or something to earn it.  Try your get rich quick schemes, maybe one a year and put a cap on how much YOU spend to get rich. 99.00 a year seem fair to try to make a dream come true. I probably spend that in Powerball tickets. And so do you … don’t act like you don’t!

 

All I am saying is that sometimes we need to be fools, sometimes we need to believe in what everyone is telling us won’t work. Sometimes we just need to believe that someone has to win so why not me. Because someone does win the Powerball, someone does meet the love of their life off Match.com, someone does all these things every day. So why NOT you?

 

 

 

It’s been one week…


“Sex Life of Robots” | Michael Sullivan

“Sex Life of Robots” | Michael Sullivan (Photo credit: ceslava.com)

 

There is a book, perhaps you’ve
heard of it, that says if you are having trouble in your marriage
You should have sex everyday for 30 days. Without exception. You can’t be to busy, or to tired or to I’m thinking of divorcing this scumbag so I don’t want to fuck him…none of those things is an excuse. Everyday. Thirty days.
Now in those 30 days of sex bootcamp, there has to be some days where the sex is phenomenal; quivering , undulating flesh, orgasms that make you forget your own middle name, and that remind you why you married this person.
Contradictory to that are other days. Days when sex with this man or woman make you feel like…well like you are being forced to have sex everyday. Days when all you want to do is watch Himym and finally ,for the love of God ,know who this woman is!  And the sex is , kind of, blah.
I said that, and I’m apologizing in advance, because that is what I’m doing with my blog. Follow through is NOT my strong suit. If it were, you would hear people say things like ” did you read Brie Stoll’s last book?” Because that’s what I was born to do.
So for 30 days I’ll write. Sick, well, hung over, sad, happy, busy ,broke or whatever , I will write.
Some days you may read and think, that was good. Somedays you may read and think that’s awesome. Somedays you may read and think, not even close. That’s what the apology earlier was for.
I promise to try to bring you to a literary orgasm everyday . There will be days when you are already looking for the remote and wondering if there’s a nice juicy nurse Betty on somewhere. But I promise to do my level best to have as many days possible of “yes, yes, right there, oh, oh…I love you”… In the literary sense.

 

 

Remember


[365 Toy Project: 050/365] The Humans Are Dead

[365 Toy Project: 050/365] The Humans Are Dead (Photo credit: nhussein)

Does it ever bother you that people have lost their way? I am not getting into political semantics or talking about the gays, I am not looking at the economy and who is to blame for what. I am talking about a more close to the ground, close to home thing.

 

Simple things…

 

Do you say goodbye anymore? Or do you just say, “ok, I’ll see you there,” end.

 

Do you smile at strangers? Say hello when you see someone? Say thank you; excuse me, and your welcome? So many people don’t and I blame Steve Jobs. Ok , Steve Jobs is dead and he was only one man to boot so that’s really not fair but I do blame cell phones and the whole hurry up , hurry up way we live some times. There are times, at the end of the day, I am so exhausted but for the life of me I cannot remember what I did with my day. There are days that I lose, whole days. There are times when I fall asleep and if you told me I was sleep for 10 minutes after 5 hours I would believe you. I literally feel like I just closed my eyes.

 

The cellphones and computers are to blame, a little. The email and text messages are to blame, a little. The constant connection with no need of connection is to blame, more than a little but the true culprit is we.

 

You and I have lost our way. We have friends that we never meet.  Ever have a face book friend try to call you? It will freak you the fuck out… Hey, you are a picture of a kitten doing a handstand and 10 to 15 memes a week; YOU do NOT try to change our relationship!

 

The problem is that at some point we have to walk into the real world and try … TRY … to be human beings again. We need to interact with more than the computer , more than the colleagues at work , more than the people that know us because, as much as we love our machines , and we do , if we do not stay humans they will rise up against us and enslave us . Watch the Matrix again. Or the original terminator.

 

So what do we do, well, first we finish reading this blog (like, comment, follow?)  Then we go out and DO something. Join a club. There are so many geek clubs in this world and they are just looking for you. Chess, Star Trek, Brie Stoll fan club (ok that doesn’t exist but if someone starts one day I will show up!), but you get the picture. Try to say hi. Just Hi can brighten up a person’s day.

 

I am learning to engage the world, I can turn the world on with a smile and all that Mary Tyler Moore crap. I am learning to do the day and let the day do me. I am learning to be a different type of friend. And like most converts, I think you should come with me.