I am coming to the part of my life that everyone I know is married , coupled , babies , or divorced. With very few exceptions I am coming to understand that I am not a kid any more . Now don’t look at me with that tone of eye , I know , I am not a KID , but it kind of sneaks up on you . One day you are in your twenties and before you know it you are most of the way through your thirties and some bitch ( I’m sorry … I’m lashing out she was a perfectly innocent young mother) …. some bitch tell you that you remind her of her son’s grandmother ! Ok .. again I apologize .
The thing of it is , when you are sitting with your peers , all with their families of various ages and their marriages and divorces you begin to feel , truly feel the weight of years . It is a weird feeling . I don’t feel much older . I am still me . I still look like me . I still talk like me . I still have the overwhelming need to eat starburst by the handful like me . Still, I am not this ingénue any longer . I am not a child , no one says things like ” You are just a baby” anymore to me except the very old. How does this happen in just ten years ?
Now I am not getting maudlin . I am still very happy and lovely and aware that I am sexy and girl power , rah . I just feel odd that my childhood is gone , my first half is partly over and I am looking at 10 years from now writing from the perspective of the “older” woman .
On the other side … I will soon be out of the child rearing years, I will be gaining the ability to be selfish in a whole new way , If I want to live a year in Italy, I can .if I want to spend the rest of my life as a world traveler, nomad I can do that. There are upshots to being the older woman… Younger men, for one thing.