There is a moment in your life when you realize that it is necessary, for whatever reason, that it is time to try a radical change. You have to move . You have to change work. You have to do SOMETHING or you will die. Maybe not literally , although sometimes literally, but definitely spiritually. Dying spiritually is not a Christian concept . I am not talking about a disconnection with a deity , I am talking about a disconnection with everything. Your very essence , your liver , your lungs , your heart , your mind , the skin and sinew that are you . Disconnected from you . You would walk around in a state of unconscious , alive and breathing wondering why food tastes different , why sex is unfulfilling , why you don’t laugh anymore. That is spiritual disconnect. Death has occurred and now you are a Zombie, unable to understand what changed.
I am at this moment. I am at the moment and day that requires that I take action. Action. I need a verb, a word that stands for my next phase. I am seeking that verb at this moment but I cannot , in typical Brie fashion, spend a month brooding about what that word might be , planning the finding of that word, seeking people’s opinions about what that word should be ( acting, writing , living, breathing ) until I am overwhelmed and exhausted and give up. This is my problem. This is the thing that has held me back from people and things , from places and thoughts . This is why I am still not the person I want to be . The me that I want to know.
My temporary word will be a word cluster , for now my word(s) will be ” in the meantime” . I am going to continue moving toward my divinity , again not a religious concept but a personal one, but until then I will act, breath, write, learn . In the meantime, I will do all the things that I have been putting off waiting for the right person, place, sound, computer , dress size , fill in the blank to come by. If I do not have the right tools , I will use the tools at hand. If I don’t have a date , I will go with the intention to mingle and enjoy the moments. If I don’t have perfect words I will write the words I have , and have faith that I will find the perfect way to convey . It is time to stop researching the life I want and start living the life I have.